omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
