when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
