some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
