i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
