i can't believe i had my finger in that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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