I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
