He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
