I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
