I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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