How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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