A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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