Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
