Apparently you make a good broom.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
