You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
