you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
