apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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