last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Text me some of your sweat
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
