I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need to align my fucking chakras
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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