Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
