the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
