this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
