Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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