man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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