I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
