apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
