the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
