gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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