so that wasnt chicken after all
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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