You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
