My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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