she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
