Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
