very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
