Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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