Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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