The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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