Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
