life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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