but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
