note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
