He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
