I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
