we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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