Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
