You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
