If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
