Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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