oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
