what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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