I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
