2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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