What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
