Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
