ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
