i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
