Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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