Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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