Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is my gift to your gina
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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