Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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