Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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