My balls are so social today.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
