Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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