He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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