from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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