I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
